Cutting the ties

One by one, as we teach our babies, we cut the ties that bind. Cutting the apron strings is the idiom, which apparently has literal links to the past when mothers would tie a child to her apron strings so that they would be safe and she could get on with jobs.

However as we teach them to walk, talk and eventually fly we realise that we have been cutting those ties one by one, until they need you no longer and are ready to fly the nest.

My youngest left primary school recently, it is the end of an era for our family. I no longer have babies, I am the proud mother of two young ladies. When I used to hear the idiom of cutting the apron strings I had imagined a day when I would sever them once and completely and would feel the loss deeply and suddenly know why and what the feeling of loss related to. I am coming to understand, belatedly as with most parental realisations I have had (it takes me a while sometimes), that I have been cutting the strings one by one since the day I started teaching them “mama” and how to hold-all spoon. I just hadn’t recognised how few threads were left.

That looming feeling of loss has been gathering recently and I now understand that I am mourning motherhood. I know that my girls will never stop needing me, I have never stopped needing my Mummy! But I also know I will not be needed to put on socks, or wipe their face; they will need me for boyfriend advice or a listening ear when friendship troubles loom. I think I was hoping for a little more time, a few more snuggles (the ones only a toddler can give).

There seems to be a connecting theme in my last few posts...time moves fast and don’t waste it. The natural endings of things will creep upon you before you know it!

My only hope is that my girls learn one important lesson...you might have to get older and life my move along but you don’t need to grow up! Always find the fun in everything, it’s there somewhere.