Light and Dark

I've been wondering today, what exactly is it about the Fae and fiction containing them that fascinates me? Out of all books, the ones that, more often than not, drag me in and get me addicted to the story are about Faeries. 

I'm not talking about the twee fairies, the delicate and tiny beings we discover as kids. No, I am totally fascinated by the vicious beings of old tales; Seelie and Unseelie courts, Light and Dark, Summer and Winter. 

Most of the stories I read introduce you to this darkness and the light that is supposed to counter it. However, the story generally takes a turn somewhere showing you that the darkness is not always what it seems and purity of the light can be dazzling and vicious just the same. The constant images we are fed by society and the media, that we are good OR we are bad, that we are evil OR pure. These images are torn apart in these books and the hapless human in the picture, seemingly mundane and useless, usually ends up surprising everyone. 

I think it is this recognition that we are all light AND dark, and that we are all useful that I latch onto. That there is this in-between where it is ok to be a bit of both. It never really hurts that there is usually a very lush male to read about and the Fae are unapologetically perfect.

It's not just that though, there is an underlying message of loving people for who they are and not judging the "flaws" that others see. Can we love the darkness in someone as well as their light?

Which are my favourite Fae stories? Hmm, Holly Black is the queen of the faeries, Marrissa Marr and Julie Kagawa are two other favourites. Maggie Steifvater has penned some lovely Fae books (though my favourites of hers are the Raven Cycle). A little more on the adult side of things L K Hamilton and Sarah J Maas have both written series that I have loved.

No One Died Today - The Paradise in My Mind.

I was looking at writing prompts on Pinterest...ok so I have been looking for a prompt for over an hour. No characters were talking to me and I was just about to pack things in and go read in bed. Then I saw this one:

"How's your day going?"

"Well, no one died."

"Those are your standards?"

I will admit that this is a phrase I have used, on more than one occasion and sometimes yes a day can only be held against these standards. Then I thought for a moment longer and just how much this exchange has taken on a much graver meaning of late.

Other countries are celebrating or at the very least hoping beyond all hope that Covid has left them behind.  That this statement is truer than ever and a relief. We are not there yet and for some this exchange could be too close to home and a little macabre.

In other places, for other members of the human race, this could well be the standard by which they live. None of their neighbours have been persecuted or been killed just for being the colour they were born as, hopefully!

Mostly this last few weeks I have been torn and conflicted and down-right disheartened that as human beings we could treat each other this way. My brain has areas that so easily slip into a sarcastic exchange like above, but my brain has also built a little walled off paradise, and this paradise is under attack.

My paradise is one where everyone believes as I do. ALL LIVES MATTER. I struggle to differentiate in this little paradise; black/white/Asian/disabled physically/mental health conditions/LGBT+++. I just want to scream 'WHATEVER, you are human'. Here you don't get extra points if you are one colour or another. Here society works to make sure disabled people are treated with equity, not just equality. Here you love who the heck you want! And we embrace any difference, not persecute people for their difference.

I am aware how naive I sound and I am aware that life is not like this. But my brain tries to keep this idea protected. Surely I am not the only person to think like this and surely at some point with enough will power this could become reality. I had hoped that the Covid crisis would be that thing to bring us all together, as only a global event could. Again still so naive. 

It is startling how in less than six months the reality behind a throw-away comment can be made all too real. Amazing how things can change in so little time and yet not change at all.

Touch Me

Let's talk about the elephant in the room. Covid-19, Coronavirus, lockdown, this situation, self-isolation, this shizzle...whatever you call the last few months it doesn't matter. It has been strange, weird, and sometimes downright scary. But what has it meant for you?

For me it has meant having my family at home, all together, no international travel taking my other half away for weeks. No running around with the kids to whatever social occasion is this week. We have chilled and watched tv, we have finished making our new house a home, we have cooked and eaten together, baked, tried new foods, garden DIY projects as a family. I will not pretend it is all sunshine and roses but if this is what it takes to save lives and make sure our health service could cope, I'll take it gladly. I had nightmares about a situation like this when I was a teenager and the reality is nowhere near as bad!

Its been about three months of distancing from friends and family. Of only going out to shop and walk the dog. Of working from home and not seeing my amazing work colleagues. Its taken three months for me to seriously miss one thing:

I miss touch, not in a creepy way, but I miss that human physical connection. I am luckier than a lot of people, I have my family at home and I don't live alone. But I am a hugger! I am that work friend that greets you every morning with a hug. If I know I'm not going to see you in a while you know that a squeeze is coming to tide me over as much as anything else. I need that physical connection and that is what I miss from this lockdown...hugs!

Initially, it was just another thing, then I was talking to people through windows and started to feel it more keenly and it has taken three months for me to feel it physically. I find it so hard to keep that distance and not jump on in and squeeze you to know all is ok. And so if I avoid seeing you at a distance please don't be offended, if I divert conversations and interaction to zoom calls and messenger chats please don't think it's because I don't want to see you...It's because I don't trust myself to maintain that 2m distance, I do it to protect yours and my personal space!

And know that as soon as the all-clear is given I will be catching up on hugs!!

For now, stay safe, stay smiling and hug those that you can!

Library of Life

"Good evening madam." The librarian behind the desk said with a smile as Betty walked in. Betty smiled back wondering how the girl with the pink hair had managed to smile around so much metal.

"Deposits to the left. Loans to the right." she shouted cheerily over as Betty headed to the stacks.

She had intended to pick up a couple of romances on her way home from the grocery store, but left and rights were never her strong suit, her driving instructor had taken to writing a little L and R on her hand when she was driving. Heading down the left aisle and rubbing her hip that was giving her jip again, it would probably rain later, the paperbacks turned into dusty old tommes that she would never be able to lift. Betty made to turn around but a strange light in the gloom ahead made her stop.

"Hi Betty." 

The voice made Betty's blood run cold. She had not heard it in such a long time.

"Am I dying? Have you come to get me? Is this how it works at the end?" she panicked.

A booming laughter came from the gloom, "no my love. Come closer and then I can explain."

Betty took a few tentative steps and then the form of her first love took shape in the strange blue light and she couldn't go any further. "How?" Was all she could whisper.

"I came across this place a few years back now and I made an exchange for a new lease on life. Don't panic there is nothing devilish going on here, I am a virtual avatar. Wherever possible I try to take the form of someone you recognise, it makes the process so much easier. With you two it's such a dream as your memories cross-referenced."

Betty touched her head, had she bumped it? How could this thing that looked like Bill know her memories?

"Again please try not to panic, it is a simple memory scan to see if you are viable for download. You are currently in the Library of Life. It is our mission to try and record as much of history as it happens from the memories of the times older population. In return we can give you years back to live again."

"I'm sorry, I've never heard of any of this hoo-ha or download doohickies. You sound worse than all these youngsters that wander around with their machines pinned to their ears." Betty turned to leave and started down the stacks.

"You should know, " the avatar began, "he always regretted it."

"What?" Betty paused.

"Not kissing you when he had the chance."

Betty paused and touched her lips, she knew the moment he was talking about. The moment that could have been, save for it being the right people at the wrong time.

"You could have that chance again."

"What do I do? Will I be a baby again?"

A chuckle came from the not-Bill, "No, our standard is to return you to your twenties, memories intact. All we do is make a copy for the archive."

"Oh what the hell. It's nearly the end any way, let's give it a whirl." She had no idea how she would find Bill if this worked, but it was worth a shot.

What seemed like only moments later Betty staggered down the aisle looking slightly like she was wearing her grandma's old dress. Out in the sunshine everything was so bright, colours seemed to pop everywhere.

"Quite something, ain't it?" said a perfectly familiar voice.#

The Things I Could Never Say

Back to the prompts, just to see if I can get some of those juices going again. What better time to revitalise something than during this strange lockdown. So here goes....  

        Write about the three things he could never tell her

Jack sat on the edge of his bed fiddling with the cuf of his tux playing over the last conversation he had with Dani. 

Dani looked into the full length mirror, head cocked to the side like her spanial Chica. Gingerly she picked up the chiffon of the very, very white dress and let it float back down. Jack had said he was an open book, he'd said I knew all of him. Can I still do this knowing he is lying? Can I do this knowing I'm was lying too?

Dani was right, marriage can only work between two people who are completely open. Should they even do this? There are things she can never know. Three things in fact.

He can never know that I am part of The Collective; part of the underground network of operatives fighting to keep the world safe.

She can never know my underground persona, the suit I wear, the mask that protects me and her.

He will never know that I have killed those that have tried to usurp the peace of this world.

She will never know that I have killed those that have tried to usurp the peace of this world.

Standing here infront of the minister I know I am doing the right thing, love has to be more important than everything else. Given a choice I would protect her, only her.

The music starts and I push throuh the doors certain that this is right. Above all else I know he loves me and I love him; we are worth fighting for. I slowly walk down the aisle, passing all the empty pues with my eyes on him, just him. Then I hear my internal comm bleep and Jack is walking towards me.

Seriously, of all the moments I get comm'd in the middle of getting married. It's an all hands on deck call, there must be trouble. Generally The Collective are solitary workers, we get a call and do the job then debrief, opperatives don't tend to mix. Walking up the aisle I am about to start my apology, I have no idea what to say.

He's walking towards me, I'm going to need to cover my calls better. Stopping dead in the middle of the aisle is probably a bit obvious but I need to go. "Sorry," I say as soon as he is in earshot. "I have to go," I blurt. Before I can see his response I turn and run, kicking off my heels as I go.

I pull up at the bunker and am so preoccupied by Dani's exit that I don't look where I am going as I walk through the garage enterance and straight into someone. "Dani?"

"Jack?"

 

Haha, who can tell I've been catching up on superhero tv?!

Let's not make it so long before the next catch up.....I think that is what I am taking from 2020!