Lost in the Music

What is music to you?

I have been thinking about music a lot lately. It has such a key role in my life (like you'd never guess from my posts) that when I had a conversation with my Other Half a few weeks ago and it turns out that music doesn't really affect him that much, it really shocked me. I don't know why it did, I mean obviously not everyone has the same interests but the fact he didn't even have a go to song when he needed a pick me up...I just couldn't comprehend that!

Music means so many different things to me, I can't understand the 'it's just something to listen to' mentality. I'm sorry if you fall into this category, if the lyrics float over your head and never really connect with your emotions or the thumping bass has never caught in your chest making you feel the beat in your core. No truly I am really sorry because to me music is something that can calm me, it can pick me up, it can move me to tears as easily as it can make me smile and if it doesn't affect you in any of these ways I don't know what to say. I'll just try to sum it up as best I can the only way I can.

For me it's the songs that you cried to as a teenager or the anthem you pumped out to make you feel stronger.

My Anthem!

The songs filled with memories; the ones from our wedding, the song that was playing when munchkin number two was born (there were too many drugs involved with munchkin one to be totally sure!)

Munchkin number two's arrival

Lyrics that mark the end of an era and the start of a new one, packed with memories of someone I miss tonnes.

I was exactly where I needed to be!

Would I have made it through last year without a group of amazing friends who helped me when time were tough? Probably not, and you guessed it there is a song for that too. Every time it comes on I think of them and how grateful I am they are in my life, every time one of us is in need we are there for each other...we're not brothers we are sisters but the sentiment is the same!

Because sometimes we need reminding we are not alone!

Then there is the album that will forever be linked to munchkin one and her first rock concert. The moments and the songs that we shared that will be brought back every time those songs are played. The look of awe and amazement on her face, the huge balloons, the shock form those around us that a kid, a girl at that, could like music like this. I'll admit that I was in my 20's before I got to a decent concert and in my 30's before I got the feeling of being shoulder to shoulder bouncing to the beat and getting lost in the music along with those around you. I am glad my children will have had a chance at that sooner, it is one of the best experiences in the world.

Not my favourite on the album but the first song played so special memories!

Finally there is the huge role that music plays in my writing, even my reading to a certain extent - as my writing group can tell you I have been know to attach songs or even playlists to characters or story/books that I have read....I make no apologies for what my brain does in it's spare time! I have said before that I am very visual with writing and pictures lead to inspiration, well the same can be said of music too. Songs and lyrics lead to characters, scenes, plot twists and lines of poetry even at the most inconvenient moment half way down the motorway!

What is music to me? My memories, my characters, my friends, my tears and my escape. I went to a 30 Seconds to Mars concert in November which was great, but I'm telling you because at it Jared Leto dedicated a song at one point to anyone who had ever used music or been to a gig as a way to escape. It will make sense when you listen to this last song that I am going to leave you with, it is one of my favourites of the moment....no matter what Get Back Up!!!

So while you listen to this one, what is music to you?

"Happy New Year"

But is it ever, I mean really??

I always wish for a 'Happy' New Year and sincerely wish others one but in reality I'm always just glad I have survived the year. This year in particular seems to have been a 'roll on next year' kind of year. And if I was superstitious I may have made the 13 connection a little sooner than September!

My very good friend Caitlyn had me in stitches with a post packed full of memes check it out here but I have to say this one is my favourite, it popped up on Pintrest and Facebook and is just funny!!

We all do it every year and I will be doing it again this year but on reviewing last years 'rules to live by' I can confirm I tank at living up to them!! I think it is just human nature to constantly need for a fresh start...a do-over, and what better time than the beginning of a New Year? After all it comes around every twelve months, its just after most of us have finished stuffing ourselves and being overly decadent.

One thing I am very thankful for this New Years Eve is a suggestion made by my Other Half this time last year. I don't know where he saw the idea, how or why he came to make the suggestion that our family set up this tradition, but after a year of hospitalisations, bullying and other general crappiness I am so glad that he did. Our little family has spent the year trying to focus on the good things and every time something good has happened we've written it on a piece of paper and put it in a jar. Then tonight we can look back and remember that this year wasn't actually that bad a year, we can refill on happiness and repeat next year. It might sound a little corny but I am seriously shocked at how full the jar actually got this year. I'm sure we will have forgotten to put some things in there but we'll get better at it next year....see a resolution!

original on pintrest here

So what else will I attempt this year??

1. I resolve to live a healthier lifestyle (yeah right! I have been attempting this for as long as I have been aware of resolutions but maybe this is the year, right?!)

2. I resolve to listen to my body and give it a break sometimes (because that didn't go so well in 2013!) 

3. I resolve to write more, including finish the first draft of something novel length.

4. I resolve to actually do some of the things on my to do list like go walking, have fun with my kids, read more, have fun with guerrilla art, watch more films, spend more time with friends (basically never sleep but what the hell!)

5. I resolve to refill and repeat...the memory jar that is. I know I already said this but this time around everything goes in! Things that make us laugh, time with friends, films that make us laugh or cry, trips, plays, football wins...EVERYTHING!

6. I resolve to attempt more random acts of kindness even in the face of my Other Half who hates them just because we should do something and walking away breaks my heart.

7. I resolve to let my girls be sisters and accept that certain things come with that and that I can't control everything they do!

8. I also resolve to accept that I am probably going to tank at most, if not all, of these resolutions...especially number 7!!!!!

So Happy New Year everyone. Good luck to those making resolutions, hats off to those who manage not to and while we are sat by the log fire reliving our happy year in our holiday cottage what will you be doing to ring in the New Year?

Music to see in the New Year chosen by my new guru...Munchkin 1 (my eldest!!)

And the stars align

Just when you think it is safe to go back in the water the sharks come back out to play!

You drag yourself and your family through a rough time, see the light at the end of the tunnel and normality begin to descend again. Only to have the rug pulled from underneath once more. A little voice laughs at you and says 'nope we're not done messing with you yet deary.'

It's not like we haven't had a hard enough year already, but no now life wanted to have a pop directly at my little girl; take a nine year old child and strip away all her self-confidence and make her feel useless. All as a result of a few unkind words from those who would be her friends.

Of everything we have had to face this year I think that was by far the worst, watching the vivacious young girl we raised break down piece by piece in front of us. Just feeling completely helpless!

In the middle of fighting to build our munchkin back up into the confident and happy girl she was we randomly entered a competition to win tickets to see the Imagine Dragons, a band both of us love.

view original here

I had to be told twice when the e-mail came to say we had won tickets, not least because various other things had conspired to make us available on the night we had won the tickets for. And the look on her face was priceless when I told her she was going to get to see one of her favourite bands. This one thing has brought a smile to her face this week, it's given her something good to aim for. I have no idea what brought everything together so nicely but it is such amazing timing.

Life will keep knocking you down it seems, but every now and then the stars align....someone smiles down on you and things work out to give you a little miracle just when it is most needed.

So keep on getting up, keep on moving forward and don't miss the miracles!!

For now I'll leave you with Munchkin 1's favourite song and look forward to her first concert experience this evening.

Have you ever experienced one of those well timed little miracles before? Where all the stars seem to align just when you needed them to the most.

How do you like yours?

I love stories! Stories in all of their disguises; sharing a bedtime story with my girls, reading a great novel, writing a characters story, reading a story to a class visiting the library. But my favourite way to enjoy a story by far is to simply listen.

Last weekend we got to visit Settle Storytelling Festival and we had so much fun. We bought magic beans, hunted story tellers and exchanged our beans for stories. We ate cakes and bought notebooks and gloves at the makers market. We even had fun in a yarn maze before finishing with more amazing tales.

What I loved about the festival is they prove that sharing stories is not just a venture for children, it's for us grown ups too!

There was only one downside to the weekend. Part of the festival was a competition to write a story on a postcard which could have been picked as part of an exhibition on festival weekend. And yes, you guessed it...the story I wrote and posted did not get chosen. However on the bright-side it does mean I can share it with you guys now.

original image found here and was the inspiration for my story.

The Cottage

Water oozed around Guin’s fingers as she pressed them into the moss covering the derelict cottage. Curiosity tingled though her. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Tilting her head to the right she let the barriers in her mind drop.

As she opened her eyes, the dream-like images of a life long forgotten began to take shape around her.

A young man carries his bride over the threshold. The young woman is beautiful, her red hair glowing in the evening light as she waits for him to return. The axe thuds to the floor, her giggle rings out like a peal of bells as he picks her up and swings her in a circle. The seasons pass, their love grows as they gain laughter lines around their eyes. But sorrow begins to haunt the woman’s smile, a suffocating longing for lives that will never be. Slowly the couple accept their life alone and grow old and happy together. The no longer young man still dotes on his wife, bringing her wildflowers every day of summer, their sweet sent drifting on the breeze.

But the winter is cold, too cold. The couple gets into bed for the last time, locked in the same loving embrace. Then nature creeps in to reclaim the lovers and their house, a tree growing up around their bed.

Guin knelt shivering on the warm forest floor. Looking at the damp moss where her hand lay, crying for the beautiful life with no witness but her. Today, being an empath was a gift.

So how do you like yours? Are you a listener, a writer or do you have a story to tell?

A little parting tune because his voice is yummy!!

Pick Two Words

Have you ever been sat in an interview and been asked,

"What two words best describe you?"

That one question has always filled me with horror and utter panic. I have never been able to articulate myself enough to package me neatly into to two tiny little words. Until now. "I've had an apostrophe" (Smee in Hook) or rather an epiphany.

Listening to my Ipod on shuffle, thinking over the things I like and what they say about me, I suddenly discovered the two words that best describe me. Funnily they also happen to be among my favourite words too.

view original on Pintrest here

Maybe this is just a polite way of saying I'm random? That would be pretty accurate. Anyone who has had a conversation with me for more than ten minutes can testify to the fact that I can come out with some of the most random things known to man, for those of you that don't know me that well I guess more concrete evidence is better.

I would describe my reading tastes as varied (it sounds better than random when I'm at work). I could pick a favourite book (well more than one) from a number of genres and it would be like choosing between my children if you asked me to choose between them.

Classic - Dracular by Bram Stoker
Adult Fiction - Brida by Paulo Coelho
Crime (true) - Paul Britton's Biographies
Crime - The Sculptress by Minette Walters
Biography - Wild Swans by Jung Chang

Fantasy - Laurel K Hailton Merry Gentry Series (ok so cheating a little)
Teen Fiction - sorry too many to choose from *shrugs* its my favourite genre everyone has their weakness!!
Junior Fiction - JK Rowling Harry Potter Series

Ok so my favourites may be weighted towards the paranormal but I could bend your ear for some considerable time about why you should read Wild Swans if you haven't already. On the flip side I also don't mind the odd easy reading multi-million copy selling, titillating paperback if the fancy so takes me...if you catch my drift!

My DVD collection is equally eclectic, I range from Disney animations (the collection started way before children entered the house I must admit), through superhero's, past soppy chick flicks and gritty drama's to the odd comedy along the way ending with the classic action movie. The only genre not to grace my collection is horror, mainly because they irritate me (I spend the entire film shouting at the screen 'WHY WOULD YOU? THAT'S JUST STUPID'  and end up turning it off).

Where my eclecticness really excels is with music, oh boy my Ipod on shuffle is a DJ heading for his P45 (in the US I believe you call this a pink slip?) in a heartbeat! To demonstrate and for your entertainment while you continue reading have a listen to some of the more varied tracks on my Ipod.

There is the occasional classical tune in my music collection, this is by far my favourite for a variety of reasons!!

A number of cheesy pop tunes do make their way onto my Ipod, I would like to blame my children, and in certain company do...but in reality I love to have a dance to them when the mood sees me 'sexy and knowing it'

Yes, I am a soppy sod and have a silly number of tear inducing songs in my music library and yes I hide them among an equally silly number of quirky, alternative and rock songs so no-one will notice (oops!)

Phew, Marilyn does pop up a couple of times, just to balance things out as does the odd heavy metal track too. Plus I had to share this, Johnny Depp playing guitar!

 

Then I go and punctuate all of that with a few pumping dance tunes, however...

Alternative and rock tunes are the ones that dominate in amongst the eclectic mix, every girl has to have a place where heart truly lies. All in all you can find nearly anything in my music library (except Abba, not an Abba fan...sorry folks).

So there you have a couple of examples of my eclectic reading, viewing and musical tastes....and I haven't even touched on how I have skulls, butterflies and tie-dies in the same wardrobe. Like I said, eclectic.

View original on Pintrest here

Yep, if one person could be the personification of 'oxymoron' it would probably be me. Most parts of my personality, if given a few seconds, I could probably find a contradictory part of myself.

For example, I consider myself to at least be moderately 'green' and I try to care for the environment, I recycle...yet I am also a petrol head. I love fast cars, I follow Formula 1 and one of my favourite series of films are the Fast and Furious movies. At work I always try to be as tidy as possible, yet at home random stacking abounds.

And as every mum I love my babies but love my time away from them. So many parts of my life seem to be in contradiction with each other but I guess that just makes me complicated and I guess that just makes me, me!


So there you have it, my two words and trust me its take me long enough to find them. What would your two words be?

Lost in the fire

So another post, the second in a couple of days, aren't you lucky! No seriously, my brain seems to have re-booted following my down time which is good and today I started to think about how to get my body back on-line.

I've started by dragging my sorry ass out of bed before lunch and getting dressed. Planning on three square meals a day sounds like a solid plan to back that up too. Next some simple chores and maybe even a daily walk could be in order, but lets take this one step at a time! I've had my hair done, tamed my eyebrows and generally dragging my body back into some reasonable female looking form...now all I need is to get back into my car and get my freedom back! All sounds so simple doesn't it, now if I could only get my legs to stop shaking after a few minutes stood up that would be great.

Listening to this song and making my get better plans I realised something though, I've changed. Not just changed as I mentioned in my deep and meaningful's before really being knocked off my feet, not the 'feeling lucky I'm alive' kind of changed (which I do, don't get me wrong). There has been a fire and its taken parts of me with it, parts of me I hadn't considered I would ever lose. I'd thought they were just me, those traits you can't change, well it turns out you can.

I mean sure, I've had surgery to remove a non-essential organ so I knew I was going to lose that and my appetite went so sure I lost some weight too. But the one to shock me has been the loss of my willingness to want to do everything, to please everyone. For a long, long time I have said 'yes' to everyone and everything. I have taken on so much; work-wise, volunteer-wise, all-sorts. Now my mindset has changed and although doing all those things was great it is time to concentrate on me, my family and the things that are truly important. Does this sound a little harsh? Probably! (and this is another loss to shock me) Do I care? No!

Sometimes there has to be a fire to clear the way for new life!

view original here

So come on guys, catch me up. Have you lost anything to shock you recently, or has it just been your keys? What is everyone up to? Are you listening to any new tunes? I've missed you all tonnes!!

Hello........Is there anybody there?

I kind of feel like a stranger walking into a dusty old house. You know the kind; it feels really familiar as you climb the wooden steps to the front door, the creak for each slow and careful step you take never taking your eyes from the peeling duck egg paint on the door. Your breathing deep and heavy is the only thing you can hear as you reach for the cold brass of the door knob, drawing you to it with some unexplainable force. Your fingers barely touch the pitted metal when the door pops open and groans on the dusty dark hall way...

view original here

"Hello, is there anyone there" you call out. You realise then you know this place, you loved this place once when it was full of words and friends. But you have been gone so long you aren't sure it can be the same again. There is no answer straight away, but that is ok the fear in the pit of your stomach has gone. This is your house, it just needs some tlc; a broom and a lick of paint, maybe a party with some cupcakes!!


So, I have been gone a while. I haven't blogged, I haven't read any blogs. What have I been doing you ask?? Um well, lets see. I have written a little; you know the ambitions I mentioned last time, the ones I was running head long at? I had this idea in my head that I might dive gracefully into them. Well I maybe bounced off them a little (think a big pile of jelly), but I have started my book, I have my idea and a couple of chapters as a start of my first draft, they will have to be re-written very soon but it's a start.

Other than that I have been doing a lot of reading, mainly because that is pretty much all you can do in bed. The last six weeks have seen me in and out of hospital like a yo-yo and books have been my refuge. Those and some amazing friends who have spent way too many hours on facebook and twitter keeping me sane!! It seems a bit pathetic that since the beginning of July I don't have more to report but I really don't, I guess that's why I haven't been blogging much; hospital food, an operation and the odd book really aren't that interesting!

I will say if you fancy a good read check out Marissa Meyer - Cinder and Laini Taylor - Daughter of Smoke and Bone.

Hopefully I will find time to get on here to blog a little more regularly, in the meantime be safe ;-)

A little taster of my latest musical obsession the Lost-who?!?! ;-) If you haven't heard of Imagine Dragons go listen to them now, this is my favourite song!!

Oh I nearly forgot, I did manage to submit a postcard short story that will hopefully be in an exhibition in October locally and then after that in India, I will keep you posted ;-)