200 Tuesday

So, as I said last week, 200 Tuesdays are the days are when I will let loose some of my original work. If I can bear to rip it from the pages of my note pad, virtually of course!

Do any of you have the same nervous feeling letting you words walk out into the big bad world? There is part of me that really just wants to keep them tucked up in their nice warm notebook! I guess this is a little like letting go of your kids as they grow up, writing this reminds me of a post this week over at frazzled & frumpy, which lead to a minor panic attack thinking about my girls growing up. It also had a very neat challenge to write a six word autobiography, it's harder than it may seem. Have a go in the comments here if you like, mine was 'Mother, lover, reader, dreamer, part-time writer'

Any way, I digress. I thought it would be appropriate to start where I began, less than a year ago, with poetry. Have a look and see what you think!

view original here

The Door

There is a door, I see it clearly

On the outside it looks a little dreary

As I enter my heart sores because

I feel like Dorothy entering Oz

Light all around and colours amazing

That wonderful smell of summer lazing

I take a deep breath, at last I'm home

While I'm here I'm never alone

I feel your touch before I see your face

Your lips on my neck, your warm embrace

We sit, we walk, we talk, we kiss

When I'm not here it's this I miss

Just as the sun begins to fall

I realise I must return through the wall

There is a door I see it clearly

On the outside it looks a little dreary

Or is the door just in my mind

To keep my thoughts of you behind

When I'm alone and feeling blue

I only have to think of you.

Dreams

Unfortunately not the hot and steamy ones about the cute guy that you see at work every day, sorry! I'm talking about the dreams you have about your life, your ambitions.

I used to think that our dreams and ambitions in life were something we had to decide on early and then they were fixed. Some kind of covenant carved in stone and if you didn't achieve said ambition you had failed in life. Oh and there was only one dream per person.

 

view original here

If this were true, I failed in life a long time ago when I didn't see through the childhood dream of becoming a hairdresser, no paramedic, no nurse, or maybe teacher... These were just childish dreams, the real fun starts when you set a career goal, your ambition for life. Does it include marriage, a family? What happens though when you can't see this dream through or if in the course of driving towards your intended destination you realise you're not sure this is where you are supposed to be heading in life? Have you failed?

When I left University my dreams had crumbled around me for various reasons and to date I still haven't set myself a master plan for life. Don't get me wrong, I have lived to see some of my dreams come to fruition; marrying the man I love and having children of my own, but is this enough? For me...no!

So what do I want from life? What do I dream of being when I grow up? I'm still not sure on this one and I wonder sometimes if I would achieve more in life if I had a goal to aim for. Or does that put too much pressure in me and result in that nagging feeling of failure!

I envy people who dream a dream as a child and live it as an adult; the best selling novelist who knew they were going to write as a child, the child that dreamed of being a fireman and ended up saving his friends from a fire. Are you living your childhood dream? Or has your dream changed shape a few times along the way?

Recently I discovered a great new blog The Written Word and whilst taking everything in on this site I discovered this quote.

At least this means I am not too old to wing it a little longer, just to see what happens. You never know what magic moment may be around the corner and I don't want to miss any.

Note to Self...

"I wish that I knew what I know now, when I was younger" The Faces - Ooh La La.

This seems to be the theme following me round this week! Sorry Amanda Hocking you set the band waggon rolling and I am jumping on! If I could write a letter to my teenage self, what would it say?

'Hey you, it's you. All be it starting to wrinkle a little around the edges but I'm you so listen up for a while. If I have one piece of advice it would be to LIVE!!! Stop obsessing over over the man of your dreams, they don't exist!

Love will come along when it is good and ready and probably not in the package you expect it to. That's just life, you can't help who you fall in Love with or who falls in Love with you. If this elusive man ever does turn up chances are it will be bad timing any way, life isn't a scene from Practical Magic!! All the time you spend dreaming him up would be better spent living life, have fun with friends, enjoy music, read more. These are the things you will realise in later life you didn't spend enough time on.

Think things through before you jump in, or you will realise half way though you've made a mistake. Some things you can't undo and a missed opportunity at a decent degree is one of them!

PS Don't be in an all tearing hurry to grow up. This is another thing you can't undo and trust me when I say it's not so great. Live life while you have the chance to experience things before you realise you might never get a chance to!!'

I envy those who say they regret nothing and wish I could say the same. Don't misunderstand I have some beautiful things and people in my life and those are some of my better decisions. Other things could have played out better. The question is; would I have listened...probably not!