Right around the world...

That's about how far I feel I am going on this learning curve!

At the beginning of this year I set myself a target to write my first full length draft of a book. I didn't think it would be easy. However I also didn't expect to have to learn so much about myself either.

The theory of writing is easy, there's one main rule....

Found on Pinterest

So why in the hell do I find this so hard? I can't seem to settle into a writing routine, mainly because our lives don't seem to have a stable routine. And then when I do find a day, like today for example when I have a glorious amount of time to myself where I could write, I find I can't. Please, don't say it, I can already hear my Grandma telling me there is "no such word as can't." I know there isn't, I know this is all in my head and I just need to get over it but as Mr Gaiman nice puts it, "it's that easy and it's that hard."

Link to original and some other amazing quotes

My realisation today is that I am a very emotional writer. I don't mean in terms of my actual writing, although I do hope that is packed with emotion, I mean if my emotions are slightly off kilter then I really struggle writing. Take today a great opportunity wasted because all I wanted to do was this:

view original here

After all it would have been better than someones face! Then I just ended up in a self-perpetuating cycle of anger, getting angry with myself for letting my emotions get the better of me. Allowing logic to take over I realised that this is me and it's going to happen over and over again, so I can stand there screaming every time or I can find a coping mechanism and fast before I run out of time!!

                                                                                                     

view original here 

Tea? Apparently not, though very tasty (Thanks Deb for the pin!).

A walk in the fresh air. Apparently tweeting birds are good for the mood, or so I've heard. Ok this one helped a little bit, and much better than the hours of procrastination on the internet!!

But do you know the one thing that helped more than anything today was my friends! You guys between you all defused the ticking bomb, making me feel more balanced and ready to face the screen. 

Even though I may not have made the headway I wanted to in terms of writing today I know a little more about me and I'm a step closer to working out how to do this!! Oh to have worked all this out when I was younger.

Can you pin point what you have learnt about yourself during your writing journey? Are you still learning more every day? And is that the point, do we write to learn more about who we are?

Random Thoughts: There's Good News and There's Bad News!

So, until today my search for a new writing schedule has fallen flat on it's face. Then riding in on her fairy tale stead and providing the solution is Deb over at Kicking Corners. I am going to attempt to blog on a daily basis supporting and motivating Deb on her way to 'the deadline'. In the process I will  motivate my self on the way to a slimmer me and to boot I have my new writing schedule, at least for the next 25 days any way!

That being said I have struggled for the last week trying to find something to write about or coherently order my thoughts. One walk today, a few moments to myself in the fresh air and I am there, however you are now all going to be subjected to a random assortment of things that have crossed my mind in the last few days:

I'll start with the 'bad news' I don't know about you but when faced with the question 'There is good news and bad news, which do you want first?' I always go for the bad first, jump right in and get it out of the way! Yesterday was the funeral of a wonderful lady who I have know since my Father was ill. Her passing was a shock, the service was simple and perfect, there were tears and a smidgen of regret that adult life has taken over and I have not spent enough time keeping in touch regularly with the people that matter. I thought I would share Mary Frye's poem with you that was read out at the funeral. I always touches my heart.

Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there; I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow,

I am the sun on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circling flight.

I am the soft star-shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there; I did not die.

While I was there I paid a little visit to my Dad, I sat there beating my self up on the inside for not visiting more often and feeling like I failed somehow. However, I realised today on my walk that visiting the square of grass in a cemetery where his ashes just happen to be buried isn't when I really 'visit' him. I 'visit' him every time I remember him, every time I tell my girls about Grandad Neil, every time I remember the good times; which in the end is all you are left with to carry in your heart. When I die I want my ashes to be spread somewhere with good memories, that way when I am 'visited' people will remember the good times and not the sadness!

Not from today's walk but a quick five minute walk in the rain that I had on Sunday that made me feel free, if only for a minute!

Ok, morbid talk over! Next  you get my random rant. On Saturday in the Guardian Tim Lott wrote about communication in his column and the distinct lack of it in relationships. I realised that this lack of communication is a generally human trait in all relationships; marital, parental, close or generic friedships. We never really say what we are actually thinking! Conversations go a little like this:

"What's up" (real meaning: you ok you seem down and I am worried?)
"Nothing, except the sky" (really want to reply: 'Actually you are really doing my tree in' or 'Well seeing as you have asked I really just want to know what is on your mind and what you are thinking because I am really not sure')

We go through life being polite and bottling up everything that we actually feel and want to say for fear it may offend the person we are talking to and above all else we don't want to jeopardise that relationship by saying what we actually think. Occasionally virtual communication is more open, you can type out what you want to say but then deleteit or re-write if you think you might regret it, a luxury not available in verbal communication. I can't make up my mind if this is actually a healthy way to go through life or not but this is the way we live. May be occasionally we should just say what is on our minds and just see what happens...what do you think?

Finally my motivational slot.....Ahhh but I can't decide between these two so you are getting both, the general gist: seize the day, seize the moment. Say what you want to before the moment has passed, do what you need to do and meet that deadline, reach for the stars and see how far we get.

'Death or Glory'

Let's 'Make a move'

Sorry about the apparent Lostprophets addiction at the moment!

PS Shameless plug, my friend has completed his latest project and his book is finished, take a look it's amazing but then I am a little biased: Photo's you want to dive into.



Random Thursday - Grumpy Ass Mood

I had all really great plans to write on Tangled Lou's post about thoughts on cooking. Best laid plans and all that. I have managed to get as far as 'I like food'

Today the problem is the mood I woke up in! My Mum would say 'Someone got out of the bed on the wrong side' Well, I always get out of bed on the same side, how can one day it suddenly become so wrong?

I have snapped at people all day; the other half, friends at work, people on the phone. One would be forgiven for saying that I should have gotten back into bed and stayed there for everyone's safety!! The most frustrating thing is that I have absolutely no idea why.

I tried loud music on the way to work...nope still grumpy! I tried going for a walk at lunch; I took my self off the beaten path and listened to the birds...nope my walking pace got faster and faster until I nearly fell and my breathing was ragged. I stopped and sat under a tree, slowed my breathing and stared up into the canopy, the translucent lime green of the new leaves and the dappled sunshine...nope, I just ended up with tears of frustration etching their way down my cheeks. Ok time to surrender, music back on, a nice bass line that beat in time to my heart, and surrender to the sobs. That was a little better, but still not great.

view original here

A little more snapping later and finally the end of work. Even though I had a meeting this evening, at least it was at the pub and I could enjoy a nice shandy whilst sitting in the sun talking about girls football.

After all that,  I have had my shower, settled down and read some lovely bloggy words. I am feeling much more human! Just one of those days to write off, put behind me and start tomorrow with a much clearer head. Hopefully I will be much more productive tomorrow.

Please tell me you had better days! Tell me your happy stories before I go to bed and lets hope the pixies have turned my bed back to the right way before I get up!

Seasons Change

I went for a lovely lunch time stroll in my local park today and took some time to appreciate the Autumn season. The colours all around were amazing and even though the air was crisp it was so relaxing to walk round, crunching the leaves as I went like a big kid!! It feels like a life time since I got to appreciate this wonderful season, last year it seemed to come and go in the blink of an eye and then the snow appeared and we were in winter!
There are many who complain about the end of summer and the dark nights ...... we've all heard it and some times even complained ourselves, wouldn't it be nice if we could just take each season as it comes and appreciate the things around us. What's your favourite part of the Autumn season? I think mine would have to be crunchy leaves, they never fail to bring a smile to my face!
Hope you like this:

Colours change with the new season
Not all care that there is a reason
All they see is death and darkness
With each leaf that falls and crunches
How some wish for the same winters sleep
Tucked up in bed the warmth to keep
Do they not see the beauty they'd miss
the bright winter sun, the air so crisp
It's fine by me if they stay at home
The changing wonderland I'll enjoy alone
It starts with colours so bright and vivid
To the darkness and white that send some livid
Delight the senses; colours, sounds and smells
The Autumn season we know so well
Before too long Christmas will be here
Don't wish this away to another New Year