Nearly Happy

Hello there, yes I am alive and I have not been abducted by aliens! It is well over a month since I last posted on a regular basis and this I am not happy about. Let me explain....

You all know that at the beginning of June I started my new job in a library. In short it is amazing, I thought maybe after a few weeks the novelty would wear off but I am still loving every minute.

I Love My Job
A 45 minute drive to work
I Love that I get to sing all the way
Story times and rhyme times too
I Love to see kids get involved
Crafty things to make and glitter everywhere
I Love that I get to act like a kid
The lovely people I have met and work with
I Love the warm welcome I have had
The understanding and encouraging boss
I Love that we are so similar
A 45 minute drive home
I Love the road that in places is cocooned by green trees
I Love my job!

Even during some recent flash floods, that made the drive home very interesting, the drive still doesn't bother me. Even when we have had unexpected staff shortages and the library has been so busy that the shelves looked to have been ransacked by ram raiders, I didn't get stressed we just dealt with things as they came along.

Today I was in charge of the summer reading challenge craft activities and got to help some lovely kids make masks in all shapes and sizes. It was like a glitter explosion, we had lions, dogs, butterflies, spiderman, batman and some amazing masquerade masks. Below is a picture of the mask a lovely little girl and her mum made for me after I had admired hers, with it's sparkly feathers and jewels it was a work of art. I love mine with pretty curled leaves and metallic markings (which don't show up well on the photo) it is very sophisticated and worthy of any masquerade ball, I just wish I had one to go to. I am tired now and still covered in glitter (it seriously gets every where doesn't it!) but I had an amazing afternoon.

Any way back to my explanation! My childhood had it's issues, my teenage years...yes well we all know those, my twenties passed by in a blur, it is only now in my thirties tat I finally feel in control of my life. My beautiful family, my amazing job, my wonderful boss, the fantastic friends I have now (not all of you I have even met in person) all add up to one nearly happy me. What is missing you ask? I know it looks like I have it all and really ought to be grateful, however in all this happiness I have let my writing and reading slip. I am annoyed with myself and I only have me to blame for this lack of motivation. I could reel off a raft of excuses like; 'it's been hard getting used to this new routine' 'my new job is physically and mentally tireing' blah blah blah! Tonight I made a promise to myself to finish catching up on the blogs I love to read and also to set myself a new writing schedule and stick to it! Maybe then I can just be happy, instead of nearly there...or will I?

Are humans destined to make sure that they are never totally happy? Does there have to always be a but?

How is everyone in our corner of the bloggy world? I have missed you all loads xxx

Oops nearly forgot!!

I have many excuses for nearly forgetting to post today; We have had not one but two bank holidays this weekend and tomorrow is therefore my Monday! I have been off the grid ish for the last couple of days and just spent the last hour or so trying to catch up on all the lovely blogs I follow (failing miserably might I add).

Any way technically I am still in Tuesday, just and seeing as it is my first day in my new job tomorrow I am going to cheat just a little because I really ought to be in bed already, making sure I am well rested (although I could just get them used to how things are going to be?!?!?).

Here is a poem I posted way back when I started blogging.

Hesitate

You ask what lies within these pages

“Memories from across the ages?”

You don’t know why I hesitate

For once you see it will be too late

Here I lay my soul to bear

Not sure that you’ll even care

Please don’t laugh at my expense

Some are not past or present tense

Try to see them for what they are

Messages from my wonderland so far...

 

How do you feel about posting your writing? Do you worry that the people who read it will get the wrong idea about you? Or worse, see straight through it to what you were thinking when you wrote it?

A Week of Goodbyes

My week started by saying goodbye to my car. Now as goodbyes go this one was surprisingly easy; Bob was my re-bound car, the young sporty number that seemed like a good idea at the time but we grew apart, he just wasn't a good fit for our family. I always feel like car show rooms are akin to dating agencies. You go in and tell the salesman what you want from your car; the colour, taste in music, the feel of the ride and they set you up with potentials to road test. As first dates go our test drive was great and a couple of weeks later we have a new member to our family. He hasn't settled into a name as yet but he has an uncanny resemblance to Chick Hicks from Cars or may be a French Inspector, he has that kind of moustache!

Tonight should have been goodbye to my old, knackerd but comfy bed and tomorrow hello to a nice new one with added storage. I say should but that is a whole other story...

Tomorrow does see my last day at work. I may have only been there for three and a half years but I have met some amazing people and I'm going to find it really hard to say goodbye. I have learnt a lot, grown so much in myself whilst I have been there and even though I am going on to better things, I am really going to miss seeing everyone on a daily basis. I hope I have the strength to maintain connections with those that are really important to me and not let it drift to just the obligatory Christmas card, that would just be an insult to the friendships that have grown.

I hope this can put it a little more eloquently than I have so far:

Goodbye is the hardest word to say

It has a very final way

With connotations of forever

And undertones of never

Which make it stick in my throat

And renders me unable to talk

Warm, wet, saltiness traces my cheeks

My heart will hurt for many weeks

But there is an alternate way

Another word for us to say

See you later, ta ta for now

We will meet again somehow

Many tears will still be shed

My heart will still feel like lead

Love and friendships last forever

Between us there is no never

How long apart there is no knowing

Now give me a smile to keep me going

To all those that I am saying 'see you later, aligator' to; thank you for everything and I will see you around!!

Check out the perfect picture to this post here. Now pass the tissues I think I am going to need them!!

Flutterby Butterfly

Ok, so I get it now, Doh! 'Butterflies' relates to nice nerves, excited nerves, nerves for things you are looking forward to. The feeling you get in the run up to a big holiday or an exciting life change.

Earlier in the week I had two interviews and I wanted these jobs A LOT! I have never really faced this situation before. Sure I have applied for jobs, been through interviews and wanted them to like me and for me to get the job. But they have never been jobs that I saw as having any career prospects or where I thought I could stay and work until I jog on to retirement. No they were all temporary and I knew that going into them, so it never really mattered if I got the job or not! This was different, which meant the nerves were different too. Great big somersaulting Dumbo's doing their best to make me feel ill at every possible moment.

Now the interviews are over and apparently not as affected by the nerves as I thought they were. It appears that I impressed them. So soon, date to be confirmed, I will get to work around my most favouritest thing in the world, every day (and yes I did just revert to extremely childish language because that is how excited I am). I never for one  minute dreamed that my path would lead me to working in a library, but the road I am on at the moment is sign posted library, eta approx 1 month.

I have dreamed of working with books for some considerable time now, always assuming that I would have to win the lottery to make this dream a reality. I placated myself with night time reading and occasional book browsing. For once I can see a dream of mine becoming reality, granted not in a way I ever thought it would.

link to original here

As I eagerly await the necessary administrative processes to be over and my start date to be finalised, I finally understand the difference between nerves and butterflies and the two are not interchangeable. The flutter and flitter of the imaginary critters continues in my gut as I anticipate the wonderful new adventure ahead of me.