When worlds collide

*Randomness Warning - Babbling of a puddled mind contained in this post*

So I have been wandering today, off the beaten track and regular readers will know this means trouble for my mind!

I ended up sat under a favourite oak tree of mine in my local park, doing my best to try and write. However the only thing I could come up with was a rambling few lines of a poem I have re-written six times in the last few weeks! I ended up thinking about the last month and half, analysing things to see if I could pin point when my writing started to clam up.....That is when my mind wandered!

I wondered if I am the only one who sees my life as different worlds; work, family, friends, writing etc.. Rarely do these worlds mingle completely, occasionally the edges blur but in the main they remain separate. Don't get me wrong, this isn't by design it just kinda happens.

Sometimes though these worlds collide with such force that the collision shatters one, if not both worlds. If you are really lucky one world survives just with a few extra valleys and mountains to navigate. What is never evident in the immediate aftermath of such an internal apocalypse are the fractures created within.  Those small cracks can soon turn into huge chasms. How do you survive in your remaining worlds without being sucked into the darkness within?

There are shards of a broken world floating in the aether but there is no Bastion to save Fantasia this time, there is no saving this world. Maybe it is time I focus on limiting the damage the collision caused within.

Wow, that's depressing. Ever think of a topic for a post and it seems like a great idea at the time, but when you actually tap it out it has suddenly ripped something dark and depressing out of you? Something that you knew existed if you were honest but you hadn't meant for it to all spill onto your post. However with no time left to change it the only option is to hit the publish button and hope y'all can see the random way my brain copes with things.

Happy Random Thursday ;-) What random deep thoughts have you been thinking lately?

Just to lighten the mood ;-)

My weekend in song.

I think I am just going to call Tuesday's 'Tuesday Tunes' given that I never feel particularly jokey or cheery on a Tuesday. Bah!

So today you get the soundtrack to my weekend, or at least the one that has been floating around in the mush of my mind!!

The weekend didn't start well!!

I kind of retreated into music for a while and found this acoustic version of a 30 Seconds to Mars song I love.

But is is funny how a well placed text or message from a friend can help so much and this song made me think of that friend...I only hope she knows how awesome she is and that I help her in some small way too!

So smiling we went off into the woods for a wander and had an amazing day.

So here is hoping that wasn't the end of the world I saw coming and just a little storm. Something a little chilly and rocky at the time but weathered all the same.

What song best describes you weekend or day?

Curiouser and curiouser

Just having a little look back over recent posts and I realised I have been somewhat laxed about including some cool tunes. This seems odd to me because music has been increasingly taking over my life.

It all started when a friend of mine started to try and 'educate' me.....apparently I wasn't listening to some great bands that I should have been! I have to admit I wasn't! What I was listening to wasn't bad, it was just quite limited.

He reminded me of the likes of the Stereophonics to my music library.

Introduced me to the Lostprophets (regular readers will be aware of the minor obsession that sparked) and Stone Sour.

By this point I had headed down a rabbit hole of devouring everything I could get my hands on from any of the bands that I liked even a little. Just as things were starting to dry up a little other friends started stepping in with suggestions of what I should try, so next came Placebo

And still more with Gas Light Anthem, Queens of the Stone Age....

Until my latest obsession popped up in the form of 30 Seconds to Mars:

At this point I started to think I had hit the bottom of my rabbit hole and could happily climb out enjoying all the music I had discovered along the way. Sound in theory, apparently though I jumped into a rabbit hole that dropped me straight into wonderland because at the bottom I discovered Last FM. Now I have eaten and drunk all the things I had to to go through the door into a whole new wonderful world packed with even more musical delights. So I will leave you with Simple Plan...my latest discovery and hopefully not my last ;-)

Oh what the hell I couldn't decide which one to include so you get both, well why not they are good songs!

I hope you enjoyed your trip down my musical rabbit hole; we had to have a trip to wonderland seeing as it was Lewis Carroll's Birthday this week!

What do you think, have I been educated well enough? Are there things in your musical rabbit hole that should be in mine? Let me know, I'd love to discover more!

Day 7 of NaBloPoMo - Me, Myself and I

So NaBloPoMo's Wednesday contributions will see me return to posting some of my original writing. Today however I think I have been hanging with Loki-Lou too much (if that is even possible she is hilarious). This combined with my current musical obsession - the Lostprohets has resulted in a very surreal story that turned into an internal conversation with inner voices. I promise I have only taken paracetamol with some Pepsi!!

99% of the lyrics are from the Lostprophets, I hope they don't read this and come after me with some random sharp implement for sodomising their songs :-/ However there are three lines attributed to other artists, prize for anyone who can spot all three (and by prize I mean a very big virtual pat on the back - I am a writer/librarian I can't afford outlandish prizes. I sit here typing with my gloves on to stop my fingers freezing)

So with out further ado (ok maybe a little, the 'you's' in italics means she is talking to the boy, the normal 'you's' mean she is talking to herself)

Me, Myself and I

Girl (G) - ‘You’re here by my side in my summer’

‘Don’t you wake me up, I don’t want this dream to end’

Inner voice 1(I1) - ‘Some days these dreams just ain’t enough’

G - ‘But when you’re here with me that’s all I need’

I1 - You’re ‘lost in fiction’

Inner voice 2 (I2) - ‘So can you feel your heartbeat racing? Can you feel the tension rise?’

I1 - It’s ‘Always the wrong place at the wrong time’ this is ‘No good for me, no good for you’

G - ‘I’m sick of holding it in’

I2 - ‘Stop dreaming, start something’

G - ‘Are we lost or do we know which direction we should go? Sit around and wait for someone to take our hands and lead the way’

I2 - ‘Wake up, yeah I’m so sick of waiting for us to make a move.’ ‘It’s time to make a move’

G - ‘I don’t know how to change from being me, I don’t know what to say, maybe another day’

I1 - ‘If only you tried you could move on.’

G - ‘Another day, in another hand, things could be so different’

I1 - ‘You’re wasting your time’

I2 - ‘For all this to mean so much to me, for all this you make a move’ ‘Win or lose it’s time to choose’

G - ‘Every word I say would come out wrong and make you look the other way’

‘Her eyes are open like a book’

G - ‘I’ll be there cos I can see in your smile time stood still for me when you call’ ‘Answer me this’ ‘ How you feel , when you’re lying next to me’ ‘Could you be the one?’

‘For all these times that we walked away’ ‘Give me something to believe in, give me someone to believe in’

Boy (B) - ‘My soldiers march tonight, in the city of your dreams. This beautiful army are tearing at your seams’

G - But ‘the stars, they shine for you’ ‘I will not let this part of me be apart from you’

B - ‘Hey now dry your eyes, you will recover’ ‘I’m not what you want me to be’ ‘and if we did we won’t be friends’

G - ‘I would stop time to stay with you’ ‘I would stop time to keep you here’

B - ‘Tonight I feel stronger, Goodbye’

I1 - ‘Love, like waves always crashing down around us’

G - ‘I can see into this abyss, there is no stopping me from feeling this’ ‘There’s no hope for me’ ‘I’m slowly taking apart my broken sanity’

I2 - ‘And there’s a lot you can’t undo’

I1 - ‘I’ve never been the one to turn my back or let you fall through those cracks under your feet’ ‘some days are good, some days are tough’

G - ‘I know this feeling I keep buried inside won’t retreat or delete. It ends tonight, the dull pain that remains isn’t pretty’

I2 - ‘So how’s it gonna feel when I leave this town, broke and burning, with memories that we once found’

I1 - ‘Hold on, where we belong’

G - ‘And I seem to think you were once here with me, maybe I was wrong’ ‘And I sit and wonder, falling under’ ‘All these memories pull me down like lead’

Thoughts come my way....but it was nothing at all’ ‘I get the feeling that it’s gone and it’s the reason that I feel so dark now’

I1 - ‘If it wasn’t for love we’d have faded away’

G - ‘You took apart my soul’ ‘You put me on my knees and cut my throat’ ‘See you at the bitter end’

 

 

 

 

G - ‘To all the fights I’ve conquered and beyond’ ‘Love was once a part but now it’s disappeared’ ‘But I still feel lost without you’

‘Yesterday I lost my closest friend, yesterday I wanted time to end. I wonder if my heart will ever mend, I just let you slip away’

‘Maybe I’ll never see you smile again, maybe you thought it was all pretend. All these words that I could never say, I just let them slip away’

‘Maybe one day when I can move along. Maybe someday when you can hear this song. You won’t let this slip away.’ ‘I wonder if you’re listening, picking up on the signals’

‘And I wait here on my own, and I wait to see’

‘Pick myself up off the ground’ ‘And put the pieces back as one’

I1 - ‘Times like these won’t last forever’ ‘Burn, burn the life you can’t choose’

 

G - ‘We’re giving up, we’re moving on’

 

 

B - ‘Hello again, it seems so long since we last met’ ‘Just say hello again, say hello again’ ’Remember what it was like to enjoy our time’

I2 - ‘It’s not the end if you just say hello again’

I1 - ‘But tonight you’ll get it right’

G - ‘I have no regrets’ ‘The memories I hope will never fade’

 ‘Tonight I feel stronger, Goodbye’

 I hope you liked it and you don't now send the men in white coats after me ;-)


The fourth day of shout outs for the Wonderful Team Readership Award goes to Michelle over at Buttered Toast Rocks because it soooo does!! And if the title isn't enough for you visit her because she is an uber talented writer and faces zombies head on in the wee hours of the morning ;-)

Day 3 NaBloPoMo - Sing along Saturday

I had an amazing night last night! I have been to a few concerts before now but they have all been relatively nice refined affairs. Not last night, oh no, last night I popped my heavy rock cherry. Oh and I loved it!!!!!! Thanks should be said here to a fab friend who did not run screaming from the building at the sight of me bouncing up and down and singing till I lost my voice, guess that is true friendship for you!!

I hurt today, a lot, the sign of a lot of dancing and jumping around. So I am off to enjoy a cupcake and recover! I will however leave you with a little treat for my first sing along Saturday...enjoy!

And just in case any of the Lostprophets boys happen to wander by my blog; I love you all, thanks for popping my cherry and yes I would shave my legs for any one of you ;-)

PS I will take requests for next Saturday so messages on a postcard please (ok in the comments would be quicker!!)

Day 2 NaBloPoMo - Message at the Beep

No matter how many times I type that acronym I just cannot get used to it, it really doesn't roll off the tongue does it!!

Day 2 and I am already too busy to post (the joys of scheduled posting). Think of this as my blogging version of the answer machine.

While you are reading this I will be otherwise occupied. So here is a little treat to enjoy whilst I am out, please feel free to leave a message at the beep to let me know what you are up to and I will get back to you on my return.

 

I certainly try to live my life and say I have had fun :-D

 

 

 

BEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPP

Motivation: Day 13 Inspiration from an unexpected place

Sometimes inspiration strikes at an unexpected time, in an unexpected place, from something completely unexpected.

Today I thought I would share a poem I wrote recently that was inspired by a song lyric and a new necklace I bought with a key pendant. Random I know!

The Key

You have the key to my mind

Unlocking the wonderland inside

The beauty of the things I write

Is because you pushed me down the slide

You have the key to my heart

Unlock this door with care

For once you've visited this place

It hurts when you're not there

You have the key to my soul

To unlock it when you please

Delving deeper each time

Leaving devastation when you leave

I know I am slightly obsessed but you can't help where inspiration comes from!



Random Thoughts: There's Good News and There's Bad News!

So, until today my search for a new writing schedule has fallen flat on it's face. Then riding in on her fairy tale stead and providing the solution is Deb over at Kicking Corners. I am going to attempt to blog on a daily basis supporting and motivating Deb on her way to 'the deadline'. In the process I will  motivate my self on the way to a slimmer me and to boot I have my new writing schedule, at least for the next 25 days any way!

That being said I have struggled for the last week trying to find something to write about or coherently order my thoughts. One walk today, a few moments to myself in the fresh air and I am there, however you are now all going to be subjected to a random assortment of things that have crossed my mind in the last few days:

I'll start with the 'bad news' I don't know about you but when faced with the question 'There is good news and bad news, which do you want first?' I always go for the bad first, jump right in and get it out of the way! Yesterday was the funeral of a wonderful lady who I have know since my Father was ill. Her passing was a shock, the service was simple and perfect, there were tears and a smidgen of regret that adult life has taken over and I have not spent enough time keeping in touch regularly with the people that matter. I thought I would share Mary Frye's poem with you that was read out at the funeral. I always touches my heart.

Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there; I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow,

I am the sun on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circling flight.

I am the soft star-shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there; I did not die.

While I was there I paid a little visit to my Dad, I sat there beating my self up on the inside for not visiting more often and feeling like I failed somehow. However, I realised today on my walk that visiting the square of grass in a cemetery where his ashes just happen to be buried isn't when I really 'visit' him. I 'visit' him every time I remember him, every time I tell my girls about Grandad Neil, every time I remember the good times; which in the end is all you are left with to carry in your heart. When I die I want my ashes to be spread somewhere with good memories, that way when I am 'visited' people will remember the good times and not the sadness!

Not from today's walk but a quick five minute walk in the rain that I had on Sunday that made me feel free, if only for a minute!

Ok, morbid talk over! Next  you get my random rant. On Saturday in the Guardian Tim Lott wrote about communication in his column and the distinct lack of it in relationships. I realised that this lack of communication is a generally human trait in all relationships; marital, parental, close or generic friedships. We never really say what we are actually thinking! Conversations go a little like this:

"What's up" (real meaning: you ok you seem down and I am worried?)
"Nothing, except the sky" (really want to reply: 'Actually you are really doing my tree in' or 'Well seeing as you have asked I really just want to know what is on your mind and what you are thinking because I am really not sure')

We go through life being polite and bottling up everything that we actually feel and want to say for fear it may offend the person we are talking to and above all else we don't want to jeopardise that relationship by saying what we actually think. Occasionally virtual communication is more open, you can type out what you want to say but then deleteit or re-write if you think you might regret it, a luxury not available in verbal communication. I can't make up my mind if this is actually a healthy way to go through life or not but this is the way we live. May be occasionally we should just say what is on our minds and just see what happens...what do you think?

Finally my motivational slot.....Ahhh but I can't decide between these two so you are getting both, the general gist: seize the day, seize the moment. Say what you want to before the moment has passed, do what you need to do and meet that deadline, reach for the stars and see how far we get.

'Death or Glory'

Let's 'Make a move'

Sorry about the apparent Lostprophets addiction at the moment!

PS Shameless plug, my friend has completed his latest project and his book is finished, take a look it's amazing but then I am a little biased: Photo's you want to dive into.