2020

 The year that was awful on so many levels, in so many different ways, for so many people. I have really struggled when it has come to writing recently because writing means slowing down, looking inward, and exploring feelings...and since March 2020 I haven't wanted to look at them at all!

Generally 2020 made me feel useless. I couldn't tell my youngest why the Government thought it safe for her to go to school with hundreds of other kids and teachers but that she hasn't been able to see her Nana in over a year. I haven't been able to ease the depression that various aspects of the lockdown has exacerbated in my eldest. Due to my own disabilities, I was unable to care for my husband during an operation and recovery as I would like to. I have been unable to help a friend during the toughest experience of her life. And as for me, self-care was almost been impossible. I haven't wanted to slow down and take time to recover; I needed to stay busy, remain occupied, keep 'doing'; just so that I didn't have to notice the feelings creeping up inside.

As 2020 ended and 2021 started and things didn't seem to be getting better with the wider situation. I was facing turning 40 and to be fair I wasn't dreading this as much as turning 30, I have had ten years to come to terms with the fact I was seen as an adult. For me mentally things started to shift and I started to enjoy the things lockdown has forced: Family time, a slower pace of life, a focus on what is actually important. I have become quite thankful for the focus that I have developed over the last few months and I have this weird zen-like feeling, home-schooling aside!

The positives for me; my reading has almost tripled compared to previously, I finished my crochet jumper (a project about two years in the making), and I am well on my way with my 40 in 40 challenge (a challenge to complete 40 things during my 40th year).

I am looking forward to lots of things when life starts to re-open: I want my hair cutting (desperately), I can't wait to go to the cinema to see a great film, I want to sit in a cafe and have a brew with my mum. But equally, I don't want to lose the lockdown life feeling, I want to keep things slow and focus on the important things in life.

 

I won't call this post literary brilliance, but for the sake of the 'Life' part of the blog title, I really couldn't skip this chunk.

How has lockdown impacted you? Are you itching to get back to 'normal' life or will you be trying to maintain some of the lockdown life as things re-open? What have you achieved during lockdown that would probably still be sat waiting if Covid had never happened?

Keep safe folks xx

Touch Me

Let's talk about the elephant in the room. Covid-19, Coronavirus, lockdown, this situation, self-isolation, this shizzle...whatever you call the last few months it doesn't matter. It has been strange, weird, and sometimes downright scary. But what has it meant for you?

For me it has meant having my family at home, all together, no international travel taking my other half away for weeks. No running around with the kids to whatever social occasion is this week. We have chilled and watched tv, we have finished making our new house a home, we have cooked and eaten together, baked, tried new foods, garden DIY projects as a family. I will not pretend it is all sunshine and roses but if this is what it takes to save lives and make sure our health service could cope, I'll take it gladly. I had nightmares about a situation like this when I was a teenager and the reality is nowhere near as bad!

Its been about three months of distancing from friends and family. Of only going out to shop and walk the dog. Of working from home and not seeing my amazing work colleagues. Its taken three months for me to seriously miss one thing:

I miss touch, not in a creepy way, but I miss that human physical connection. I am luckier than a lot of people, I have my family at home and I don't live alone. But I am a hugger! I am that work friend that greets you every morning with a hug. If I know I'm not going to see you in a while you know that a squeeze is coming to tide me over as much as anything else. I need that physical connection and that is what I miss from this lockdown...hugs!

Initially, it was just another thing, then I was talking to people through windows and started to feel it more keenly and it has taken three months for me to feel it physically. I find it so hard to keep that distance and not jump on in and squeeze you to know all is ok. And so if I avoid seeing you at a distance please don't be offended, if I divert conversations and interaction to zoom calls and messenger chats please don't think it's because I don't want to see you...It's because I don't trust myself to maintain that 2m distance, I do it to protect yours and my personal space!

And know that as soon as the all-clear is given I will be catching up on hugs!!

For now, stay safe, stay smiling and hug those that you can!