Lost in the fire

So another post, the second in a couple of days, aren't you lucky! No seriously, my brain seems to have re-booted following my down time which is good and today I started to think about how to get my body back on-line.

I've started by dragging my sorry ass out of bed before lunch and getting dressed. Planning on three square meals a day sounds like a solid plan to back that up too. Next some simple chores and maybe even a daily walk could be in order, but lets take this one step at a time! I've had my hair done, tamed my eyebrows and generally dragging my body back into some reasonable female looking form...now all I need is to get back into my car and get my freedom back! All sounds so simple doesn't it, now if I could only get my legs to stop shaking after a few minutes stood up that would be great.

Listening to this song and making my get better plans I realised something though, I've changed. Not just changed as I mentioned in my deep and meaningful's before really being knocked off my feet, not the 'feeling lucky I'm alive' kind of changed (which I do, don't get me wrong). There has been a fire and its taken parts of me with it, parts of me I hadn't considered I would ever lose. I'd thought they were just me, those traits you can't change, well it turns out you can.

I mean sure, I've had surgery to remove a non-essential organ so I knew I was going to lose that and my appetite went so sure I lost some weight too. But the one to shock me has been the loss of my willingness to want to do everything, to please everyone. For a long, long time I have said 'yes' to everyone and everything. I have taken on so much; work-wise, volunteer-wise, all-sorts. Now my mindset has changed and although doing all those things was great it is time to concentrate on me, my family and the things that are truly important. Does this sound a little harsh? Probably! (and this is another loss to shock me) Do I care? No!

Sometimes there has to be a fire to clear the way for new life!

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So come on guys, catch me up. Have you lost anything to shock you recently, or has it just been your keys? What is everyone up to? Are you listening to any new tunes? I've missed you all tonnes!!

Hello........Is there anybody there?

I kind of feel like a stranger walking into a dusty old house. You know the kind; it feels really familiar as you climb the wooden steps to the front door, the creak for each slow and careful step you take never taking your eyes from the peeling duck egg paint on the door. Your breathing deep and heavy is the only thing you can hear as you reach for the cold brass of the door knob, drawing you to it with some unexplainable force. Your fingers barely touch the pitted metal when the door pops open and groans on the dusty dark hall way...

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"Hello, is there anyone there" you call out. You realise then you know this place, you loved this place once when it was full of words and friends. But you have been gone so long you aren't sure it can be the same again. There is no answer straight away, but that is ok the fear in the pit of your stomach has gone. This is your house, it just needs some tlc; a broom and a lick of paint, maybe a party with some cupcakes!!


So, I have been gone a while. I haven't blogged, I haven't read any blogs. What have I been doing you ask?? Um well, lets see. I have written a little; you know the ambitions I mentioned last time, the ones I was running head long at? I had this idea in my head that I might dive gracefully into them. Well I maybe bounced off them a little (think a big pile of jelly), but I have started my book, I have my idea and a couple of chapters as a start of my first draft, they will have to be re-written very soon but it's a start.

Other than that I have been doing a lot of reading, mainly because that is pretty much all you can do in bed. The last six weeks have seen me in and out of hospital like a yo-yo and books have been my refuge. Those and some amazing friends who have spent way too many hours on facebook and twitter keeping me sane!! It seems a bit pathetic that since the beginning of July I don't have more to report but I really don't, I guess that's why I haven't been blogging much; hospital food, an operation and the odd book really aren't that interesting!

I will say if you fancy a good read check out Marissa Meyer - Cinder and Laini Taylor - Daughter of Smoke and Bone.

Hopefully I will find time to get on here to blog a little more regularly, in the meantime be safe ;-)

A little taster of my latest musical obsession the Lost-who?!?! ;-) If you haven't heard of Imagine Dragons go listen to them now, this is my favourite song!!

Oh I nearly forgot, I did manage to submit a postcard short story that will hopefully be in an exhibition in October locally and then after that in India, I will keep you posted ;-)

Before I Kick the Bucket

Sometime ago Larissa at Papa is a Preacher discussed the concept of Buckets lists, or at least my mush of a brain seems to recall commenting on something vaguely along those lines before and of course can I find the post....nope!!

Any way, fragments of this along with the last few weeks have had me re-evaluating the concept of a bucket list. I have always had ambitions, a wish list of things I wanted to do....at some point. The concept of a bucket list, however, always seemed a bit morbid to me. But as I eluded to in my last post I have been converted to the advantages of bucket list.

So last week I began by choosing the perfect notebook from my considerable stash (come on admit it we all have a stack of notebooks waiting for that perfect project....don't we?) And I started to note down the memories I want to make; mostly with my girls, some are just for me and others to make with other half or friends. I have to admit the list has started to get a little long, already!

So far I have 20 items on the list, ranging from 'visit a pick your own fruit farm with the girls' to 'attend a masquerade ball' via 'keep a daily journal'. I have been adding items almost daily and have even managed to tick a few off. So in one of my brain waves I have decided to add another page to my blog to keep a track of how my bucket list is shaping up. Click here to see what is on there, you can even help me fulfil one or two if you like, I have a feeling I am going to be a very busy bunny, I may need the help!!

Don't run out of time, make every second count! A philosophy to live life by. Have you ticked anything off your list lately?

Hello Ma'am, this is your wake up call!

"But I don't recall requesting a wake up call??"

"No Ma'am this is one that Life thought you were over due!"

The phone is hung up and I sit for a while contemplating what was just said with what can only be described as a 'derp' face.

* Warning the following post is extremely self indulgent. A bunch of feelings that I have to get of my chest for my own sanity feel free to discontinue reading here!*

For those of you that know me or connect with me on various social media sites you will know I have been a little under the weather recently. Ok so pending abdominal surgery and a four week headache isn't your average common cold but there are other people worse than me!! This knowledge, however, has not stopped the inevitable mortality wake up call.

There are some things in life that make us realise we are only human; our bodies are built to fail, we have an expiration date - we just don't know when it is (would it be better if the date was stamped on our ass like a tin of beans?? A long debate I may come back to, at some point!)

Quick history of Sleepy Joe, I may have already written about this but can't remember how much detail I gave, any way....I was 6 when my Dad became ill, an inoperable brain tumour caused by some lymphoma type caner (I have never really asked for the technical details, at the time I was too young.) All I knew at the time was Dad was really poorly, he needed help dressing and with his meds, which nurse Sleepy was happy to assist with!! My parents didn't keep anything from me and that made it easier to deal with when two years later he passed on to a better place. Mum and I survived for a while and then thrived and I have an amazing family of my own now, our loss lingers and hurts from time to time but life goes on.

Back to the here and now; I have been eating painkillers like sweeties for four weeks (for the headache), all the standard things have been ruled out and I have graduated on to the big boy tests like CT scans etc... I have no doubt that there will be some kind of simple explanation for my headaches and associated dizziness / visual disturbance. In the meantime the human brain cannot help but think the worst, especially when I have had to stop doing most of the things I love and when there are some really close comparisons to be had, yeah stopping there!

In a couple of weeks when all the tests are done and all has settled in the head of Sleepy I will look back on these few weeks and be thankful. Why? Because it it has been my wake up call, I have realised what is important; it's not the things I do that make me happy, it's the people I share them with that elicit a smile.

The sun shining in the garden, working hard digging out weeds and helping things grow, yet it's that quick glance at my girls giggling that makes me happy. Watching a good film is nice, what makes it a truly great film is sharing it with my cousin or curling up with other half enjoying nibbles and laughing at the stupid parts. A walk in the woods or up on the moors is lovely, the ones I remember were in great company. Writing a great story means nothing if someone doesn't read it and enjoy it.

What ever happens I am dying; be it 10 years or 50 years (hopefully longer) it will happen one day. I don't know about you but I want to look back and say I did all I wanted to, I lived every minute and I didn't miss a moment of what is important. So if that means cutting back on time sapping activities to focus on my babies, if it means ignoring the ironing to write the story floating in my mind, so be it. I am alive now and there are so many experiences I have yet to have, so many things I want to share with my girls, maybe it's about time I write them down to makes sure nothing is missed! I will be thankful for this wake up call, it has made me wake up to what is really important to me.

I'm off to listen to some great music and write my bucket list. What's top of your list?

In the mean time please stick with me, I will post when I can but writing this one has done me in for today! Love you all and hope all is well what ever you are doing!

Day 18 NaBloPoMo - Small Stone Sunday

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Today held:

Fairies, magic, giggles and smiles

Games, presents and the light in their eyes.

 

And a little:

 

Unsteady and painful

A pinch of pig headedness.

 

 

What are your little pebbles from this weekend? Do they come in the form of a few words? A few lines? A picture? Or a song? Share them in the comments :-)

Day 15 NaBloPoMo - Prepare for Battle

Today has been a strange day, getting stranger by the minute due to the strong pain killers the nice doctor gave me ;-)

It is a strange feeling to go from complete panic to everything is ok within the space of half an hour. It kind of leaves you a little deflated, if that makes any sense at all. You set yourself up for the impending war, you make your battle plans, you psych yourself up for the fight. Then someone comes along and says, oops mistake, you can go home now. My brains initial reaction to this kind of news today was to do a William Wallace and pull a mooney at the opposition (sorry couldn't find a clip of Mel Gibson's bum). However as it was a nice doctor saying I wouldn't need surgery after all and she was offering drugs to go with the news so I accepted graciously and have now taken up residence on the sofa! Is it really bad that my first thought at the prospect of emergency surgery was, 'oh hell there goes November NaBloPoMo and I have nearly convinced myself to continue into December'

I do however have a huge amount of gratitude for the amazing support machine known as The Other Half, who today has been my all not just half. I am not sure I could have made it through without him! Not only was he a rock of support at the hospital, since getting me home he has done some Christmas shopping, folded some washing and thrown the vacuum round. I have been blessed with an angel today, I just wonder if his angelic ways will stick around for the weekend or not???

This is the most recent drama in the life of Sleepy, who is now feeling very sleepy. I think I just about have time to link up with Larissa and then off to shoot some zzzzzzzzz


How has your day been? Have any angels crossed your path today?

Day 8 NaBloPoMo - Random Thursday Tidbit Party

So it's Thursday and I am off to a party at Larissa's hence this is a pretty quick post.

Random thoughts and what has this week has brought? As I am posting daily you know most of what is happening in the Sleepy household! Today has brought enough to talk about anyway though....

Technically yesterday's post ended up being today's, but as it was only a few minutes late we will conveniently ignore that fact. This delay was caused by a spot of late night bathroom cleaning courtesy of a tummy bug getting hold of munchkin number 1.

After a somewhat disturbed nights sleep a pyjama day was needed. A day watching films under the duvet and eating chicken soup was just what the doctor ordered.

I had to giggle though at bed time with the following interaction:

Daddy: 'ok time for bed, cuddles for big sis, make her feel better?'
Munchkin 2: 'No I don't want to catch her'

You can't fault the self preservation.



 

So we are onto the next in the Wonderful Team Member Readership Award and today the shout out goes to Tara at Faith in Ambiguity. She is talented, thoughtful, articulate and she home schools with fantastic projects, go over and check out her blog you won't be disappointed.

Day 6 NaBloPoMo - Tuesday Tickles

For the duration of November I had planned to post on Tuesdays things that have made me giggle of tickled me over the course of the day.

Hmmm best laid plans and all that.

If you follow me else where in the virtual world or otherwise know me you will probably already know that I have not been too well for the last couple of weeks. Currently it is just something I have to work through, so I am putting on the brave face and soldiering on through the pain. Today was a particularly bad day; working through was a struggle and this meant that finding the funny side of things was hard, especially when laughing hurts.

So, I am turning the tables on you guys! Post the funniest one liner you can come up with in the comments and lets see if we can have a giggly Tuesday after all ;-)

Shout out time for the next in the line up of the Wonderful Team Member Readership Award which goes out to a.eye at Shouldn't Life be More Than This? She is an all round super human, aka teacher, who has many adventures - not least moving to New York just in time for Sandy to hit. Pop over to offer some bloggy love to keep her warm as the weather turns cold ;-)

My week.....

Wow, life has been eventful this last week. A day and a half hanging around a hospital wondering if I would be aloud to go on holiday. Some pretty fast packing completed by the other half, who went into protective overdrive...I am shocked I was allowed to lift my own fingers!! Then finally we were off.

After a fairly long drive we arrived at Beadnell, Northumberland. Our little cottage for the week is so magical, we arrived to fairy lights and yummy treats set out for our arrival. Upon investigation there were books in every room of all descriptions...I am officially in heaven.

Just a small selection (some shelves are double stacked!!)

Sunset from our bedroom window

Our pumpkins from Alnwick Castle - Happy Halloween

 

I love this time of year, when you can go to the beach for a walk even though it is cold and windy but still come back to the cottage and light the fire. Curling up and playing board games with my girls whilst warming up....I just wish I wasn't the murderer every time we played Cluedo!!

Anyway, while I have been relaxing the questions are continuing, if you have missed my recent posts you can catch up here and here. These ones are from Wendy at Sockamabobs, pop over and take a look at her wonderful creations and as always let her know you have been by with a bit of commenty love ;-) So here goes for a little more of me.....are you getting bored of me yet??

1. What book have you read recently that you would recommend to others?

Oh where to start?? You all already know I love and would recommend Paulo Coelho's Brida but more recently I have read the latest from Lauren Kate - Rapture part of the Fallen series and would recommend that too if you like a little bit of tortured angels ;-)

2. What is your favourite pudding and why?

 

Just one, why only just one??? I love puddings, I have yet to find one I dislike! Ice cream (Ben and Jerry's) is my favourite comfort pud. Syrup sponge pudding and custard is the one I turn to on a cold day. Poached pears and ice cream is one I love at Christmas. I could go on forever!! My most surprising discovery recently was that I like pistachio ice cream and turkish delight ice cream....yum!

3. One reason you like cleaning?

 

Anyone that knows me knows I hate cleaning (and I don't use that word lightly, see here), however I do love the feeling when it is all done and you sit down in a lovely clean house with the candles on and relax in front of a film :-)

4. Where was the last place you went on holiday?

 

I'm on holiday in Northumberland and will definitely be coming back again....Love it :-)

5. What was the name of your first pet?

 

Fish, I am soooo imaginative!!

6. What is the best thing you have ever handmade?

 

I crotcheted a matching hat and blanket whilst in labour with the littlest munchkin, the hat is soo cute with three pom poms on the top :-)

7. Do you own anything vintage and if so what is it?

 

I don't think I do :-( I love all things vintage but can rarely afford the things I see, instead I have a lot of vintage looking thinks!

8. What is your favourite Disney film of all time?

 

This is a really tough one, I love so many of them! My favourite at the moment (and this changes on a daily basis) is Tangled but I have yet to watch Brave I like my ladies to have a bit about them so Disney films are great. However I do love Monsters Inc and can't wait for the new one to come out!

9. What would you have in your ideal garden?

 

Everything! An orchard, a lake (with waterlilies), a kitchen garden, a sensory area, a play garden for the girls, a Japanese zen area including japanese maples, a pod to sit outside and write in (but stay warm and dry), a driveway lined with cherry blossom trees and a Narnia style lamp near my hobbit style front door. Oh and a hunky gardener to tend it all ;-) Not much really!

10. I am moving house soon what tip would you give me?

 

Get help! (I'm available if you need me)

 

Ok, so I am off to enjoy my breakfast and have a relaxing day before we go and listen to spooky stories at the biggest second hand book store I have ever seen, Barter Books. Happy Halloween, hope you all have a spooky time.

 

PS I am glad to know my family has come out of the storm unscathed, hoping the same is true of all my friends over on the east coast. Stay safe everyone, my thoughts are with you!!